This week has been very difficult for me... Last week, near the end as well. I am coming face to face with the fact that I cannot run for long periods of time, or very far, and that I am nowhere near the fitness level of many of the people at the camp. This is probably the worse part of participating in camp, or any fitness program for that matter, no matter how supportive the trainers and team are.
When you are as out of shape and overweight as I am, working towards fitness goals is something that I just cannot do while maintaining an outward appearance of control and dignity. It is however, something I can do with determination and a good attitude.... as corny as that sounds. The fact is, is that this is not my area of specialty, I am actually completely out of my comfort zone, and am not familiar with the exercises that we are being asked to do. I am also aware that there is no mistaking me as an overweight and unfit person.
I work in high stress and emergency situations, teach, tutor, and interact in cross cultural situations on a regular basis, so being outside of my comfort zone is nothing new to me... I actually find it normally quite exciting. In learning a foreign language, though, I began realizing that in order to accomplish a goal so far outside of our own norm pushes us to face our limitations, push past them, and work with them. Still, our limitations, and our imperfections, are things that we try so hard to hide or minimize. They are not something that we actively want to bring attention to. When approaching cultural situations, especially on a professional basis, while language and customs may be a significant barrier, your posture, dress, and overall presentation can still allow you to demand respect, and function with dignity. Still, you have to "put yourself out there," and in doing so, get ready to make mistakes, and be willing to accept criticism and/or corrections.
When you are starting an exercise program, however, you are not only "putting yourself out there", but you are messing up, moving weirdly, out of breathe, sweating, looking unattractive, standing in unflattering poses or manners, etc. You are essentially highlighting a good majority of your imperfections, and you are relinquishing a sense of control of physical presentation, for the sake of a higher goal.
This is what I had to keep reminding myself this last bootcamp session. I am still the last person, but I can already see and feel the difference. I cannot give up now, and just have to persevere mentally, as well as physically. I want change, and if I am going to reach it, I will have to put myself out there, and look ridiculous, but in doing so, change my life and health. Still, it is not easy.
