Dear Life

Dear Life,

Why show me a possibility, if it is not mine? 

To only feel capable of something once felt impossible?

And now I am crippled by it.

You suck.

Camp- Be a Light, pt.2

"To me, it really seems visible today that ethics is not something exterior to the economy, which, as technical matter, could function on its own; rather, ethics is an interior principle of the economy itself, which cannot function if it does not take account of the human values of solidarity and reciprocal responsibility."

- Pope Benedict XVI - 

Ethical leadership was a huge issue that arose this summer. This includes being responsible leaders, as well as taking care of your employees, and this was a huge part of what we learned in training for basic management.  I whole-heartedly believe this, and am an advocate for it at the core.  So when some severely unethical challenges were presented by the largely ignored support staff, I respectfully brought it to the attention of the Director.  They felt like they had no one to discuss this with, and did not know what to do, or where to turn.  When they had brought it to the attention of the present Asst Mainland Director, they were told that it wasn't her problem.  So I presented these issues, and I was cordially heard, but I do not believe I was more liked because of it.  Especially when it involved presenting some questions and complaints regarding the general leadership of a manager that was deemed as a "great professional."  

It turned out that the man who was supposed to be the Island's Assistant Director, but who had actively alienated himself from the Island, was put in charge of the support staff, without anyone else's knowledge, and was quite offended at the fact that no one brought this to his attention.  Employees are allowed to have concerns, and if they do not feel comfortable presenting them to a certain manager, or they simply do not know who to turn to, it is completely plausible that there is an internal issue that needs to be looked at.

I also held this feeling of advocacy for myself, and when I was accused of losing an Island camper's document, which I was forced to give over to the mainland office in the first place, I stood up and challenged the same Assistant Director making the accusation.  Even the mainland office staff felt the need to apologize to me for their boss's behavior.  To me, it felt like the leadership on the mainland was so intent on doing away with the leadership on the island, they did not care who got hurt in between.

While I had strong problems with the attitude and leadership on Mainland, it was also extremely evident that the Island also needed to change, especially in the areas of with accountability and administration.  This is also an ethical issue.  This was communicated to me at the beginning, and I was essentially brought in under false pretenses, promised to be worked alongside of, and then left to drown.  I was told that the individuals I would be working with were essentially wild and difficult to work with, but the case in fact was that they were not equipped to work their areas, and they were putting teachers in administrative positions, and expecting them to run a full office 24/7 for 3 months.  There is nothing fair or reasonable about that scenario.  I know I did a great job, especially with what I was given, but I did stand up for myself and my fellow employees.

This is the new direction of the camp, and they are right, I don't fit in, but I pity the leadership, and the person, who cannot treat every human being with respect, and cannot take a challenge. 

As for me, I will never stop challenging, with diplomacy of course, and I will never stop being a light in the dark.  I really feel like I will kill myself spiritually, if I do that.  Like when you cover a candle's flame, cutting off its supply of Oxygen.  I know that I did a great job with what I was given at this camp, and many people can attest to that.  I wasn't perfect, but I tried, at least, to treat people with respect and love, and I am so blessed to have met others with the same conviction.

I do sincerely wish the camp the best of luck, and I just hope and pray that they learn and grow towards the right goal. 

Camp: Be a Light pt. 1

My art for the day

"For to be free is not merely to cast off one's chains, but to live in a way that respects and enhances the freedom of others."

- Nelson Mandela -

I just got off the phone with my summer room mate, and this just made my night.  In addition to this, I have been responding to e-mails letting many know that I will not be coming back, while looking at old summer photos, and I realized that I am lucky to have spent a summer with them.

To be honest though, I feel like I am on an emotional roller coaster:  I am happy and blessed to have been apart of this time, sad I won't be again, and angry at all the crap that went on and is continuing. 

Camp Winaukee is a beautiful place, as was Camp Moosilauke, and while its location set the backdrop and provided the opportunities for life changing beauty, the camps themselves were merely the petri dishes on which an amazing thing took place.

Both had their values that made them unique: Camp Moosilauke in their core values, and Camp Winaukee in their staff diversity.

Camp Moosilauke the camp upheld values that were held to a higher esteem than the Winaukee, and this brought a different kind of magic to the camp.  Campers were actively taught to be more confident and responsible men and citizens, and I am confident that the campers here came home with a greater sense of self and social responsibility.  Diversity was more evident in the campers, they gave scholarships to many, and every camper paid the same price, and were treated at the same level.   Money would not be allowed as a reasoning for excusing bad behavior, and campers were sent home. The thing it lacked, when I worked there, was diversity and a stronger sense of awareness to the issues that arouse with the staff. Moosilauke was a camp that did appreciate and cultivate a connected staff, though diversity was not a strong point.  Even though I did not fit as well into Moosilauke's employee culture, I believe as they treat the staff with some sort of uniformity, and this will contribute most to their success in the long run, as well as their positive impact on the kids.

Camp Winaukee fully embraced diversity, especially on the Island, and actively sought it.  I personally had a better connection with the staff and met amazing people. The campers were given many opportunities to do things on camp, but they never went out much.  The common complaint heard was a lack of support of the staff, and the amount that politics, money, and egos contributed to a huge changes in this camp.   There were things occurring that were unethical and unhealthy, and the campers were hardly ever held fully responsible for their actions.  Money ruled here.

I took a stand when I saw fit, and though I honestly and ultimately saw faults in both sides, I took the most stand against the side of the leaders that ultimately won the battle.  They stood for so much that I did not, and that I ended up morally having to stand against, from they way they spoke and treated people, to ensuring that the foreign staff were being treated with respect.  It saddens me, because it is so evident that Winaukee is missing such a valuable opportunity to impact the lives of these children for the better, but it's more of a playground for the rich.  Granted, their high tuition is keeps them open, I am not confident their campers truly learn how to be better people, and responsible citizens.

These two experiences though taught me something huge: It wasn't necessarily the leadership that made the summer for the staff, nor was it the sunsets, or the trees, or the lakes, but it was the staff and the relationships built themselves.  Though the leadership initially contributed to this during the hiring process, it was the character of the other staff that brought everyone through rough moments, and rocky leadership.  The counselors who do continue to come back, do so because of the friendships they made.  The beauty and opportunities made available are other factors, and then the pride of what the camp stands for, in especially the cases of the Island (former staff) and Moosilauke.

Camps can, and do, offer great opportunities for children and staff alike.  It is an opportunity to teach core values, stretch people beyond their thought limits, and contribute to building them to be more responsible people.  In doing so, accountability, respect, freedom, and honor is vital to being this light, and should be extended to every person involved.

  

http://www.topeducationdegrees.org/50-most-amazing-summer-camps-in-the-u-s/

Note the difference in the two.  Another note, most of the individuals in the Winaukee video were not asked back, or are not coming back.

The Moosilauke Philosophy from Camp Moosilauke on Vimeo.

Collateral Damage

So, I am not coming back next summer.  

It's official.  So what went on?  

This summer was wonderful, and terribly difficult at the same time, and I learned a hell of a lot, as I have mentioned before. 

When the time is right though, I will explain more.  

*And ignore the 1004 unread messages, thank you.

So you think you dance?

So I thought I could dance, but I learned otherwise.  Here, you can't just go out and dance.  You need a partner.  And here, the guys have this uncanny ability to sense whether or not you know what you are doing.  

Dammit. 

So my new challenge: Really learn to dance. 

Blind Ignorance

"Blind ignorance does mislead us O!  wretched morals... open your eyes!" -Leonardo Da Vinci

I feel a little awkward telling this story, because I do not wish to laugh at the plight of another human being, but at the same time, cannot help but shake my head and laugh at the sheer irony of this entire situation. 

A few days ago, my brother and his friend were having coffee with an elderly church leader and his friend from the south. This friend was a blind caucasian man, and turned out to be a recognizable racist.  My brother, who is a tatted up caucasian, and his friend, who is black and also tatted, were talking with this man about education and the state of society, when the man began to detour and go on about race.  He eventually told them in confidence, "I am so glad to be talking to two educated white men.  The other races are just no doing it." Now, my brother and his friend are not ones to pass up opportunities for sarcasm, and do not discriminate.  So his friend, continued to play along, and decided to up the stakes with racist ideas and thoughts, to see how far he could get.  When this blind man's friend made his way back to the table, and realized what was going on, he told his friend "you know [my brother's friend] is black right?" But the blind man just argued that that was not true.  After a while more of arguing, my brother then told him, "it's ok, I am pretty sure that everyone looks black to you."  

These sentiments were shared when another friend of my brother, who is a tatted up mexican man, joined the conversation and the blind man began to go on about how trashy tattoos look on people, and judged that people with tats are essentially the ingrates of society. After a while of debating, my bro's friend, dumbfound, realized that he was arguing about how tattoos look on people with a man who has never seen a tattoo in his life, and never will, and who doesn't seem to understand that he is debating this with a man that was covered in tats and very educated.  So he asked him, "I'm sorry, but how can you even judge someone with tattoos if you have never seen someone with tattoos?" 

I felt bad for the man, making such a fool out of himself, but at the same time, he was so insistent, it seems, on verbalizing his points of view, which, right or wrong, we all have the right to do.  This though, was too reminiscent of a Dave Chappelle joke and skit, where a secretive author of a white supremacist prominent publication turns out to be a blind black man.  What do you do?

Some lessons from 20 Feet from Stardom

"It's not a level playing field.  It never is a level playing field. You [?] in life understanding that.  It's not about fairness, it's not about talent.  You know?  It's circumstance, it's luck, it's destiny... I don't know what it is. But the best people, deal with that."

- Sting on 20 Feet from Stardom

I have met a lot of remarkable people in my lifetime, whether in passing, or in long term friendships.  I don't know how to ask others if they have the same, or if I just have a gift to meet people and make networks.  Recently though, talented individuals, some with money and many without, have been coming through my life.  Every person has a gifting and talent, but some are simply destined for great things.  I am continually amazed really, but I used to not have much sympathy and love for those individuals with stardom, talent, and ego center stage in their life.  Recently though, I have become friends, interests, and acquaintances with many, and have learned so much regarding their vulnerabilities, their humanity, and their self-confidence.  This was a great documentary, and a great opportunity for me to better reflect on this.  

"We in the music industry, especially African American people, need to know our worth.  We need to know, as women we're important.  And I think the break down is when a woman doesn't know who she is, and she'll settle for less. Check out your worth, because you are worth more than that."

- Dr. Mable John

I Lived...

I don't want to keep writing about the same issue, pain and struggle, etc.   Life has a way though of teaching you how to face another kind of pain, whether or not you've healed from the last.

Who knew heart ache could come in so many shades.

Hope when you take that jump

You don't fear the fall

Hope when the water rises

You build a wall...

Hop if everyone runs

You choose to stay...

And I hope that you don't suffer

But take the pain

Hope when the moment comes

You'll say...

I, I did it all

I owned every second

That this world could give

I saw so many places

The things that I did

Yeah, with every broken bone

I swear I lived.  

Needed some Happy today

Finally watched the music video to Pharrell's "Happy", and I am super stoked to see Los Angeles and its peeps dancing down the street as the backdrop.  I know these places.  I love these places.  

In fact... If you want a view of SoCal/Los Angeles, or you just need a pick me up after a terrible day, check out this site!  :)--> 24 Hours of Happy <-- (:

No.

I fell in love with the impossible.

The unattainable.

The unrealistic.

With a false dream.

That had no thought of my feelings.

Because he couldn't see beyond the surrounding pain.

Very few things hurt like this.

Comikaze 2014

Comikaze at the LA Convention in Los Angeles, CA

My first Convention, and I really did like it.  I would like to go back and just meet people there and make friends.  So much of it is almost surreal at times, like seeing people checking in their weapons. 

This is like overload for the ADHD mind.  Just look at the pictures below.  

  

"The Heroes are ok, but it is the villains that make the story." Stan Lee

Stan Lee