The more and more time I spend alone, the more and more I am learning to accept it, and I carry my secrets and my experiences like I carry my bracelets and earrings with me.    As I go further into this state though, the more I am also retreating into my own little world, and am becoming severely independent.  I don't want to be apart of a community, of a church... Actually, at this moment, I am staying away from Christian organizations and the church, although I don't want to stay away from God.  I don't have it in me to fake my way through anything anymore. I would rather just keep my mouth shut.

I am not a pure girl anymore.  I am not innocent.  I am not clean.  I understand what is out there, and I have tasted the world.  I have betrayed my roots, and my foundation, and question my faith and teachings.  It has taken me a long time to come to terms with this, and now I feel like I must make a choice:  I either accept this, stop being hurt, and just live life, Pura Vida, Carpe Diem - Or - I continue trying to be a part of some community somewhere, and continue to live in the hope that it will change.

I think I will embrace my change and life, and stop waiting for others to accept it in some specified community.