Christmas workout

Bootcamp Christmas workout :)

The little things make it all beautiful.  These are some of the things that make bootcamp awesome.  

I love the enthusiasm of the directors and participants alike.  

Gettin' healthy!!!

A new year is coming up, and I am facing new realizations.

I realized that I avoid many of the outside activities with the Boot Camp peeps, because I am still embarrassed about my weight.  I already look foolish during the training, and I don't want to make it worse outside of it.

For instance,  I honestly wanted to attend the boot camp "winter olympics", but avoided it, because, besides the fact that I had family visiting,  I just knew that I would be the last one running... the last one in everything.  It sucks to hold the entire group up.  I did test my running 4 laps, on my own at the Biola track, and  I got 11:32 minutes, and that was running 30 secs, power walking 30 secs.

I hope that one day I will be able to run a 5k with them, or do other special things that they do, but as of now, I am still extremely terrified of exposing myself too much.  I am just not confident that I can handle this on my own right now.  I am already doing everything else on my own, and sometimes,  feeling so alone in it all is just the worse.

I know... I workout in boot camp groups, so feeling lonely is not easy to feel really.  It not so much a matter of being the last one really, but like the one so far behind, it is easy for someone to forget you were even there, and that is precisely where it gets lonely.... and when I fight embarrassment from taking over.  The overall environment of the camp certainly does make it easier to overcome this... but outside of it, I am not sure.

So, until I can even just keep up, I continue to stay away because of insecurity... I'm working on that.

I hope that this year, I can learn to "put myself out there" and do things that I want to, not letting embarrassment get to me, or keep me back.  Pura Vida!