Love and a Priest

Circumstances brought me to meeting a priest once who told me quite a few stories from his life.  One in particular stuck in my memory.

He was an elderly priest from Ireland, who had come to America after World War II.  During WWII he was placed in a safe area that many UK residents had sent their children to for the sake of safety.  There he became close friends with a girl who was also sent there.  They remained together for a few years, until the war ended, and kept in touch via mail.  To this day even, they still write. 

Well, eventually he saw life panning out as it did and decided to go into the Priesthood, and later she married. Then a couple years ago she decided to take a trip with her family, to America, with the main purpose to come see the priest.  

When he saw her, and they had a chance to talk again, face to face, he told her in confidence, "you know, if I had never joined the Priesthood I would have come and asked you to..." She stopped him there, and said, "shhh... yes I know, and I would've said yes." 

When I heard this I didn't know whether to cry or be happy... They cared for each other since the day they met, and kept in touch even decades after.  Even when they had nothing physically to offer. And yet, I couldn't help but to question why he didn't find her and marry her? Why did their love remain unfulfilled? Could it have been something?

Love is really a funny thing.  

Rainy Days on Wednesdays always lift me up :)

First, you are never too old to jump in puddles, although you do need the right gear to do it.

I guess the correct term is Pluviophile, but I truly love the rain, and feel the best when it is raining and storming outside.  I feel so at ease with the rain.  Love it!

And tea (coffee) time.

It is the little things in life that make it beautiful... that and nice teacups. They are pretty!

A Heart Beneath Stone

Ok, so I stole the title from a beautiful chapter in Les Miserables, but I think it applies wonderfully here.  I have met a lot of interesting people in my life, and some who were very harden people.  So many people have seen some rough stuff, and their hearts have hardened as a result of being left in the elements for far too long.  I've heard stories from victims, military, law enforcement, even perpetrators, that are impossible to forget or shake... that haunt you, and I've seen and experienced things myself.  But it never fails to amaze me how little wonders this world has to offer, like the innocence of children, a smile, love, compassion, affection, etc., can impose so much hope and light into a darkened world.

So much happened this year.  Some horrible things, and some pretty awesome ones, but the roller coaster ride, regardless, has been exhausting.  I have especially learned how much I guard my heart, and simply do not put my trust in the hands of really anyone.  I keep my hope and love guarded, although I share glimpses of it at times, and allow others to share theirs with me.... and they often do.  I spilled it to one person during year, and felt emotionally safe for the first time with person I just met.  I think mostly it was because they themselves had been through so much and were opening up at the same time.  

"...to love at all is to be vulnerable." - CS Lewis

Starting bootcamp/weight loss journey

My "Big Fat Reason" why I signed up for Bootcamp:




My Big Fat Reason Why I signed up for Bootcamp:

I want to change, and I want to be a better me.  I already started on this journey, but I really need some help.  I want to climb rocks, scale cliffs, sky dive, parasail, bunji jump, hike, bring supplies to rural villages, explore, study, etc.  I can't do these things now, because my health is in such bad shape, and I no longer want my health and weight to be a reason why I cannot do something.

In addition, I want to get my life, including my ADHD, in order, but lifestyle changes need to be made, in addition to the medication.  Nutrition is essential to managing ADHD, Depression, and Anxiety, because certain foods make the symptoms worse.   Sooooo..... here I go!

First goal:
     - Get down to 200 lbs, and be able to run 1.5 miles.
     - Get a nutrition routine going.  (Us ADHD folk benefit from routine)
     - Get my surrounding organized. (This is extremely difficult for ADHD peeps)

This is the second part to my reason why.... Some stories and info and examples and what-not.

#1- I want to live!!!!  I am so tired, all the time.  I get sick, I can't focus, and meds are not the answer. I need help.

#2- Guatemala, 2008- The church members we were working with wanted to do something special for us, so they planned a hike up a water volcano, and carried a full lunch for us.  Now that I look back, this was only probably a mile up, maybe a little less, but it was like climbing stairs all the way up.  I felt like I was going to pass out, and have to go back, and I almost did.  The locals carried pots, water, chicken, veggies, etc. on their head, and walked up like it was nothing.  I could have missed this opportunity because of my health.  Can you believe this?  In Costa Rica, we also had to climb a mountain to bring up medical supplies, but at that time I was dancing, a size 10, and in shape, and I was fine.  If I want to do this kind of work, this is just a reality, and for me, it is a requirement to such awesome opportunities.

The hike up (very steep) 

The view from the top

#3- I want to be in pics and love myself in them.

#4- Sky diving has a weight limit.  Anything past that and you need special equipment and lots more money.

#5- What if a person is chasing me, and I can't run away for more than 30 seconds?  Seriously, I am at the bottom of the food chain at this point.

#6- If I ever wanted to work in any physically and mentally demanding job, I need to be lighter, and at least be able to run 1.5 miles.

#7- I want to fit comfortably in:
               - airplane seats, roller coasters, water slides, Asian restaurants (in Asia, not a stereotype I promise)

#8- I don't want to wear t-shirts at the beach anymore.  I want to be able show my sexy arms.

Long Beach, CA: Pride Parade

I know, I am holding the sign upside down... It is a gift really.  

On May 22, 2011, Long Beach, CA, held its annual Gay Pride Parade.  I went to support and help out the organization I work with, but to be completely honest, I was very much out of my element, and very conflicted.

Attending a Christian private university, and growing up Christian (catholic), we are taught that homosexuality is not a lifestyle that believing and active Christians take part in.  I did, and still do, fully believe in the bible, and in my faith, but was conflicted on many of the statements in it.  In the end, I decided to help out, because, (a) regardless of my faith, we are all common people struggling to make it in the world, and we need each other, and (b) I realized that I had been judging/observing a group from the sidelines, that I knew nothing about.  So I went.  I didn't share my internal conflict with too many people, but I wanted to help, and I wanted to learn.

We passed out our hotlines, along with other domestic violence shelters and Aids awareness organizations, to help spread the word that we are there to help within the Long Beach community. 

I have marched in plenty parades before, but I had the most fun at this one.  The atmosphere was comfortable, and overall, I just felt accepted.  It was pretty awesome, really. 

The one problem I did have, and many others seemed to comment on this as well, was the overwhelming presence of sexuality sprinkled throughout the parade.  I did not find it productive to advertise strip clubs, penises, or S&M in a parade.  My director asked one S&M group, "so what is the purpose of your entry?"  Their response was essentially to show that we do what we want.  But, there were children and families present.  There are some adult lifestyles and activities that should remain with adults because of the nature of the activity, and these are some of them.   Call me a prude, I don't care, but I am sticking to that.  

I also found the presence of religion at the parade interesting.  There was a church group actually marching in the parade, with signs of acceptance and love.... and of course, controversial theology. It was interesting to see the responses to them- Many people didn't know how to respond at all.  Then, there were groups and churches protesting and yelling on sidelines... you know, to inform them that they were going to hell and all, in case they didn't know. (fyi, that's sarcasm)  

Overall, I am glad I did it, and if I ever have the opportunity to do it again, I would.